when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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