I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
