So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
