so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
