Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
