Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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