so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want to fling myself into the sun
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
