i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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