there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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