You just made me feel so damn special
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
