arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
