Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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