You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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