Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time