So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me