at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?