I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?