Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms