I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.