Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize