I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
