Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
