how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
