Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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