Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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