I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
