He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
