you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
