did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
