Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
