We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
