I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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