that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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