Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
