I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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