mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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