I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
