My balls are so social today.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
