Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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