So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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