And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
