yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
