you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
