Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
