I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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