So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
