I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i drank out of a bidet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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