Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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