Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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