maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
