I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
