I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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