This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
