Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
