I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
