Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
