will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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