So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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