I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
