you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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