My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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