Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
