I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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