No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
