her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Are my feet made of real feet?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
