You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
