lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
someone owes me an orgasm
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
