Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
