you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
