i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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