ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
