Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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