Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
