you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
