Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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